Intimacy - What does Intimacy Involve? Part 3

There are basic parts of any relationship between two humans that must happen for the connection to be strong, continuous and ever growing. Communication, support, and love are known and remembered basics, but there are other facets often pushed aside in the chaos of life that are like hinges to making everything work and flow as it should.

Here are some of the root values that intimacy needs within a relationship to thrive and prosper as it should.


In any truly stable and intimate relationship, both people have the capability on the deepest levels to know themselves and their partners. They have spent time soul searching, discussing and talking about differences, thoughts, wants needs and likes. They have found the secret keys that they value and the appreciation that comes from this connection is tough, durable, and can help ward off any bouts of difference or rough waters that may arise.


This is a huge factor within the realms of intimacy. When a human being feels accepted, they can fall into their true selves. Neither person is focused on wholly changing the other for any reason. Perfections and flaws have been accepted for what they are. This does not address minor issues or changes made during the course of a relationship.

Accepting differences.

In some relationships, especially where sexual intimacy comes in to play, it is common for people to feel unaccepted or “too different.” If these feelings are visible, then this person does not yet feel accepted within their relationship. Learning new, unusual or unique things about others will not hurt you but help open your mind to new ways of doing things, living, or thinking.

Feeling safe and connected.

True intimacy happens when people feel safe enough to be themselves and vulnerable. They are assured that their partner will support them in their struggles and celebrate with them with each other’s strengths. The sexually intimate couple will ensure that their need for certain boundaries is met, secure and respected. Neither party will move to violate that trust. When this trust is disturbed, intimacy will not be reached.

Team-work and problem-solving.

If an issue arises, choose to confront the elephant as a team, even if your points of view are different. In problem-solving, both partners should be on the same team fighting together for the same outcome. If you find yourself fighting alone, it might be time to sit down and communicate about how your team needs to come together once more. If the goal is always to come out better and more connected on the other side, arguments and disagreements should not roll on for days.

Emotionally connected.

Intimacy grows in relationships only when the parties involved stay emotionally connected through the good, bad, and tumultuous days. Every time there is a disconnect or a tough spot handled incorrectly, you risk starting over again at the bottom and rebuilding your base to find that hidden intimacy. Neither party should feel that they are walking on eggshells or avoiding certain topics of conversation. Both parties need to feel emotionally safe, secure and loved to be able to share and connect in the most personal of ways.

By ensuring that you are putting forth your best effort to provide these root values for intimacy, you should see your connections strengthen and grow deeper within your relationship, regardless of what illness or life throws your way.

“Our souls crave intimacy.” Erwin Raphael McManus

Resources Used:

Reclaiming Intimacy

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