Have you ever heard the saying, “Good sex is really simple- which is why it’s so damn complicated?”
Seems pretty spot on though, doesn’t it? There are countless ways that we, as humans, can find pleasure and intimacy, and even more ways that we can work to enhance the pleasure that we feel. Everything from reading erotica to watching adult movies, to using sex toys in the bedroom and finding new, exotic or mysterious places to make love.
When we get down to the nitty gritty, it is our bodies and our minds that are our most powerful, potent sexual assets. One trick that involved your mind and body is working on controlling your breathing, or breath control. It’s something that you already do, more so than you may even recognize.
You use breath control when you engage in any physical activity. This means walking, running, lifting weights, doing the dishes, running after children, and even sexual activity. The problem with these types of controlled breathing is that for the most part, when it comes to straining activities, one usually holds their breath. This is often the case during sexual activity, too.
Certain sports train their athletes to breathe with every action or motion. In swimming, you breathe each time you lift your head from the water while doing the Butterfly stroke. In boxing and weightlifting, they train to inhale or exhale with every single effort their body makes. For them, breathing helps them to better control their muscles and body.
The same is true for sex. If you can learn to use your breathing alongside your pleasure, you can learn to enjoy a new euphoric feeling during sex. To learn breath control, you do not need to be an expert or fitness guru. You simply need to be willing to practice!
Q: “What are the benefits of breathing exercises?”
Focused and controlled breathing has a list of benefits. First off, it can help you to overcome resistance or discomfort during different types of intimate acts, like anal sex, vaginal intercourse, or other type of play. Holding your breath reduces the amount of oxygen in the muscles of your body are using, which makes you feel more tired, faster. If this happens during intimate activity, there is a chance the tired muscles could mean the end of the erection, which lessens their partner’s arousal, which means your intimate moment ends much faster than planned.
Breath control during sex can help men stay harder for longer, delay his orgasm, lengthen the duration of the escapade, and makes the climax much more intense. The same things are reported by women who use breath control and add that many began experiencing tantric orgasms after months of practice.
Silly thing about oxygen- it can literally make your body feel high. Deep breathing during sexual activity raises the euphoric sensations. The more you breathe, the better you will feel. The better you feel, the better your sexual and intimate moments will be!
Controlled breathing also helps in moments of anxiety and depression, and in some cases, panic attacks. By gaining control of your breathing, you can then gain control of your mind and work to ease the stressors and chaos you may be facing. Many women who work on breath control report being able to deal and cope with stressors more easily in their everyday lives.
Q: “How do I Try Breathing Exercises?”
- Breathe deep & long. Just like in yoga, the instructor will tell you to breathe from the abdomen, using your stomach muscles to pull air down into your body. This is not as simple as it sounds, and it takes practice, but it is worth it. Not just for sex, but for everyday life.
- Synchronize your breathing. When you are having intimate time or making love, making a conscious effort to make your breathing patterns match is a type of intimacy exercise. While counting during sex is far from sexy, a good pattern is to inhale slowly for five seconds, hold your breath for three seconds, exhale for seven seconds and then “observe the space at the end of the breath.” That means you should pause for a couple of seconds after you have breathed out. It is of course not realistic to maintain this pattern throughout sex, but it is a good guideline, and by matching your breathing patterns with your partner, both of your bodies will be in sync.
- Slow down. As you feel yourself coming close to orgasm, slow your breathing and surf the sensations. Your breathing directly influences your climax and can control it very effectively; normally when you are close to orgasm your breathing becomes faster and shorter. You may even begin to hold your breath. The secret to edging, or orgasm control, is being able to recognize when this is happening and breathe slower. This alone will delay your orgasm, and result in a more satisfying climax.
So, there it is. Breath from your diaphragm, synchronize your breathing and slow it down when you are close to the edge. This incredibly effective, simple, satisfyingly natural type of breath control can be as effective as many prescription drugs, but without all of the extra side effects.
Orgasmic Breath Practice
- Find a comfortable seat, be sure to sit up straight. Take three deep breaths to help you to relax.
- With your next inhale, purse your lips like you were sipping through a straw. This allows you to control the air as it comes in.
- Sip air slowly in and engage your PC muscles at the very bottom; like you are stopping your flow of urine. Avoid the urge to clench your glutes, or rear end.
- Continue to sip air in and imagine you are zipping up the muscles around the energy that is lifting through your spine, keeping them engaged as you go.
- Pull in your lower abdominal muscles.
- Suck in your belly button.
- Draw your shoulders back and widen your collarbones.
- Tuck your chin in and lengthen the back of your neck, looking down gently.
- Once you are full of air, seal the lips and hold your breath with all muscles along the spine are engaged.
- When you are ready to release, open your mouth slightly and imagine energy pouring from the crown of the head, down the front of the body, now softening each muscle group on its way down to your toes.
- Relax the neck.
- Relax the shoulders.
- Let your belly hang out.
- Rest your lower abdominal muscles.
- Lastly, release the PC muscles completely and surrender. Repeat up to 13 times. Imagine your backbone filling with energy and coming into balance as you continue to move the breath energy with your muscle engagement.
- When you are done, take a moment to relax and breathe normally for a few breaths while remaining in a state of surrender.
- Extra tip: You may want to move your hands out in front of you, up and down with the breath as a tangible guide to trace the energy and muscle engagement as it moves. This is helpful for visual learners. Some people prefer this, others find it distracting when it comes to engaging and relaxing the shoulders. Do whatever method best fits your needs.
Controlled breathing has also been reported to help women with their Kegel exercises and to have better control of their pelvic floor muscles. If you have more questions about controlled breathing, reach out to our Reclaiming Intimacy team.
Yoni Breath Control Club